Life’s like a race. If you stop, you’re more than likely to get run over. (Brutal, I know…sorry…) So if there’s one thing we just have to keep doing, it’s move on.
Now I’ve had my fair share of drama (surprise surprise), and there was one headache–I mean girl in particular a couple years ago…I won’t delve into the details, because if I did, people who know me well would know who I’m talking about, and then she’ll find out and then…yeah you get the picture. History’ll try to repeat itself. So I won’t let it.
Okay, so anyways, after the whole drama, every single time I knew I was going to see this girl, or even thought there was the slightest possibility that we’d bump into each other, I tensed. I liked to make the people around me think that I was oh-so-super-over-it already, so with my words, I made it seem like the girl had absolutely nothing on me anymore, but it was a lie. Because deep inside, I knew the truth, which was that no, I had not gotten over my “girl war” with her.
Now truth be told, most times I felt so sure I’d bump into her, I actually didn’t. But they did nothing to ease the unsettled, nervous feeling I got when I had to be in the same room as her.
I couldn’t put my anger towards her behind me. I didn’t like her. And that was that. Nonetheless, I felt like I had to show her I was over the whole drama, but now it seems so silly. Because how could I do that when I hadn’t let it go yet? Sure, with my words, I said I had. But no, I was stuck in the same indignation I felt towards her since the moment it all started. I wanted so bad to show her I had moved on and was the bigger person, but I couldn’t. And the pressure I put on myself to be this perfect, flawless girl in order to hopefully make her feel less, was too much, that often times, I was the one who ended up tripping all over myself.
And each time I had an encounter with her, I kicked myself for tripping up. For “losing” the invisible battle being fought.
Then one day it hit me. I hadn’t let go. Because I didn’t want to “give up.” But then I realized that letting go and being happy…it’s the best revenge. See, the whole while, I thought no, I’m not letting this go. I’m not moving on. Not until it’s clear I’m not less than her.
Don’t you think it’s funny–sometimes what we tell ourselves we’re trying to prove to others is really what we’re trying to prove to ourselves?
Can I just pause and say that wow, that sounded so wise…hahaha sorry. I surprise myself sometimes, as I’m sure you do too 😂😂😂 Guess it comes with #adulting.
So that’s where things started to change for me. And though tables weren’t turned overnight, it was a good start. Slowly, I began realizing how petty, shallow, and ridiculous it all was. And my refusing to move on with that part of my life was only fueling the fire between us.
Fast forward to today. She and I…we’re good. We even have plans of hanging out one of these days. 😉 How’s that for moving on, huh?
So yeah. That’s my little anecdote for ya’ll today. Hope you got something you can add to your #adulting arsenal! I know it’s not always easy to move on, especially from things that hurt you and made you angry in the past, but as I learned through this little experience, it’s not giving up. In fact, it’s a totally awesome win.